…Trust God in Uncertainty
// by Phil Johnston
I believe most of us, as we grow older, learn ways to diminish uncertainties in our lives. Margaret and I have had many “What if…” experiences in our lives together, some of which included uncertainties in waiting. Two years ago, we were uncertain asking ourselves – what does the future hold if one of us (both now into our 80s) suddenly became disabled and we couldn’t manage living in the multi-level home we’d been in for 50 years? The process of finding a new single level home and moving for the first time in 50 years gave us opportunity to trust God in waiting through several varieties of uncertainty.
But what about the unplanned for, surprise times of uncertainty? How do we live ready for unexpected uncertainties?
A little over a year ago, a week after an uneventful surgical procedure, I received a call from the surgeon that there had been a revision in the first post-operative “benign” diagnosis. They’d discovered a completely unexpected finding of a rare type of blood cancer in the specimen. This was a completely new kind of “uncertainty” for us, and it required a new level of trusting God: what does this mean for the future? Who do I go to for help and guidance? What changes will this mean for day-to-day life?
During my first visit to an oncologist, I was a bit apprehensive but reassured by my primary care doctor that it was very early in the course of the disease; I’d had no other signs or symptoms. Even though I’d never seen this doctor before, I came to the visit carrying a book, anticipating a possible long wait to be seen. The book was The Road to Wisdom by Francis Collins, a physician/Christian believer who’d worked directing the NIH for decades after heading the Human Genome Project. During my beginning conversation with my oncologist, he asked about the book I was carrying, and upon hearing about the author, he said, “Oh yes, I worked for him while I was doing my fellowship at NIH!”
That led to a conversation that included my sharing Dr. Collins’ Christian faith and my oncologist’s admiration of Dr. Collins’ high level of both skill and honesty. My experience with Life to Life as an opportunity to develop relationships that lead to spiritual conversations began to make sense. Since my oncologist shared my passion for reading, he said he’d look that book up, but he also gave me the name of a book he’d read he thought I might be interested in: Outlive by Peter Attia, also a physician/author. He was drawn to this best-selling book because of its examination of the traits associated with longevity. I didn’t read any hidden meaning into that subject at the time, so after that first appointment, I dutifully got the book out of the library and read it. One subtle takeaway was the author’s statement that he was “…afraid of dying.”
Three months later, after a series of repeated negative scans and additional tests – with no further evidence of disease, I had a return visit. Again, considering my Life to Life exposure and now, the “Live ready” theme, I was hoping for a chance to ask some more questions of my oncologist. After briefly discussing the negative test results, we returned to the topic of the book he’d suggested. He was a bit surprised that I’d read it and we talked about issues the book’s author had proposed that typically help folks live longer. Then I asked him, “How did you feel about the author saying he was ‘… afraid of dying’ ”? That led to my being able to share my assurance of eternal life because of my faith. I was surprised by his look of wonderment and his raised eyebrows.
Time constraints interfered with deeper conversation, but as I made another appointment for 6 months, I thought of how God has already used this period of living with uncertainty for unexpected benefits. Sharing our faith in the face of potential life-changing uncertainties can be rewarding. Indeed, trusting God “…with all your heart…” will “…make your paths straight.”